Melancholy

The reason for living, is a question we all ask.

Happiness, we all think, the everlasting goal for breathing.

My soul sways inside me, flowing it’s darkness around me.

Pensive with a purpose, I can confirm that it’s my state of mind.

Shall we call it depression, when it’s truly just melancholy.

Comfortable in my gloominess, which is there for no apparent reason.

Taking pleasure in my dismal state, while I’m stuck in my thoughts.

However, let’s not mistake this for hopelessness.

As there is hope in every thought.

Hopelessly hopeful

Your unhappiness, I feel this to my very core

How am I to help you when I feel beaten to my soul?

Anxious of change and being alone, is the reason I’m still here

Gripping on to the anchor that keeps me sane, while treading water

Whereas in my very heart, I long for the day that I can stand up

When will I embrace my own company and feel alive again

Happiness

Happy thoughts
Happy being

Think like you don’t care.
Think like you are all there.

Happiness is earned not given
Or is it taken and not an expectation

Take what you can
Take what you will

 

Play Pretend

hold your lips so tightly at the thought of being lonely

let’s go far, far from the place we like to call home

do you feel it in your bones the way I do?

or am I hoping we were tarred with the same brush.

 

I see you laughing, at the thought of being happy

that’s ok, we can laugh until you feel joy again

I see you laughing, like you feel nothing

that’s ok, we can laugh until you feel everything

Tea gone cold

It hits me when I’m quiet.
You know, when you’re sat down with a cup of tea
and in a state of content.
Suddenly, you’re confused and dazed.
You sense your emotions draining.

The boundless energy leaves your body,
and you watch it disappear into the ground.
Your minds starts spinning wildly.
Until the wheels diminish.

And then, you are lost.
In mind and in body.
Misplaced in a wave of fear and anger.
You want to hurt. You want to break.
But you cage it inside you.

So there you are, with a tea gone cold
More than that, you feel your heart ache.
You whimper, and with every breath, you roar.
The fire inside you explodes.
Leaving chard remains as it expands.

Your soul has turned to coal
And nothing can please you.
You tell your lover, it’s nothing.
As emptiness fills the void.
Now it’s just numbness that engulfs you.

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You don’t fit in

The person I wish to be, is stuck within me

I’m dreaming she’ll crawl out and perfect me

And yes, I am aware of my self-doubt

And the things that make me want to pull my hair out

It restrains my mind and disheartens me

So let us forget and live wildly without any care

It’s troubling to see that this is the reason many girls feel sad

The expectations of females are unattainable

Let your curves grow and your hair flow

Embrace your blemishes and

Let them free you from the masses

What a pity

All I want to do is crawl into a ball and disappear
Would it be easy to let go of the things that I truly love?
Apologetic that I find it hard to put you first.
However the things that matter least,
Are constantly attacking my mind

My eyes keep swelling every time I take a glimpse of the person I am
Devastated and embarrassed of the person I have become
Selfish, uncaring and continually feeling misery
They call it self-victimisation and emotionally unstable
Does that make you question our relationship?
Honestly.
Who would want to be around a person like me?

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what you do to me

Yearning for the touch of the soul that’s connected to mine.

I feel your heartbeat every time I close my eyes.

You tell me to search for the place where the sun meets the moon.

Waiting and searching, I’m flying through the rooms.

Holding my head, as I spin out of control.

You hold your arms bare so I can descend towards your soul.

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When I was 17

The day you became distant, I trembled in my skin
I sensed your coldness and it numbed me to my core

I held my hand out but it crumbled to my side
You stamped on my emotions and I felt them break inside me

I was 17 and dazed, cracked however hopeful
But you overlooked me and then you told me why