The reason for living, is a question we all ask.
Happiness, we all think, the everlasting goal for breathing.
My soul sways inside me, flowing it’s darkness around me.
Pensive with a purpose, I can confirm that it’s my state of mind.
Shall we call it depression, when it’s truly just melancholy.
Comfortable in my gloominess, which is there for no apparent reason.
Taking pleasure in my dismal state, while I’m stuck in my thoughts.
However, let’s not mistake this for hopelessness.
As there is hope in every thought.
Your unhappiness, I feel this to my very core
How am I to help you when I feel beaten to my soul?
Anxious of change and being alone, is the reason I’m still here
Gripping on to the anchor that keeps me sane, while treading water
Whereas in my very heart, I long for the day that I can stand up
When will I embrace my own company and feel alive again
Think like you don’t care.
Think like you are all there.
Happiness is earned not given
Or is it taken and not an expectation
Take what you can
Take what you will
hold your lips so tightly at the thought of being lonely
let’s go far, far from the place we like to call home
do you feel it in your bones the way I do?
or am I hoping we were tarred with the same brush.
I see you laughing, at the thought of being happy
that’s ok, we can laugh until you feel joy again
I see you laughing, like you feel nothing
that’s ok, we can laugh until you feel everything
It hits me when I’m quiet.
You know, when you’re sat down with a cup of tea
and in a state of content.
Suddenly, you’re confused and dazed.
You sense your emotions draining.
The boundless energy leaves your body,
and you watch it disappear into the ground.
Your minds starts spinning wildly.
Until the wheels diminish.
And then, you are lost.
In mind and in body.
Misplaced in a wave of fear and anger.
You want to hurt. You want to break.
But you cage it inside you.
So there you are, with a tea gone cold
More than that, you feel your heart ache.
You whimper, and with every breath, you roar.
The fire inside you explodes.
Leaving chard remains as it expands.
Your soul has turned to coal
And nothing can please you.
You tell your lover, it’s nothing.
As emptiness fills the void.
Now it’s just numbness that engulfs you.
The person I wish to be, is stuck within me
I’m dreaming she’ll crawl out and perfect me
And yes, I am aware of my self-doubt
And the things that make me want to pull my hair out
It restrains my mind and disheartens me
So let us forget and live wildly without any care
It’s troubling to see that this is the reason many girls feel sad
The expectations of females are unattainable
Let your curves grow and your hair flow
Embrace your blemishes and
Let them free you from the masses
After the sorrow leaves you defeated in your head.
I hope there’s someone who can hold you when you break.
All I want to do is crawl into a ball and disappear
Would it be easy to let go of the things that I truly love?
Apologetic that I find it hard to put you first.
However the things that matter least,
Are constantly attacking my mind
My eyes keep swelling every time I take a glimpse of the person I am
Devastated and embarrassed of the person I have become
Selfish, uncaring and continually feeling misery
They call it self-victimisation and emotionally unstable
Does that make you question our relationship?
Who would want to be around a person like me?
Yearning for the touch of the soul that’s connected to mine.
I feel your heartbeat every time I close my eyes.
You tell me to search for the place where the sun meets the moon.
Waiting and searching, I’m flying through the rooms.
Holding my head, as I spin out of control.
You hold your arms bare so I can descend towards your soul.
The day you became distant, I trembled in my skin
I sensed your coldness and it numbed me to my core
I held my hand out but it crumbled to my side
You stamped on my emotions and I felt them break inside me
I was 17 and dazed, cracked however hopeful
But you overlooked me and then you told me why